Here are Leslie Nielsen famous quotes.
From ‘Airplane’:
Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious.
Rumack: I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.
***
Rumack: You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.
***
Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can’t tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I’m a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I’m just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can’t you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can’t take a guess for another two hours?
***
From ‘The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!’:
Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.
***
Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side last year, that’s my policy.
Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos, dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards, that’s *my* policy!
Mayor: That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production of ‘Julius Caesar,’ you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
***
Frank: I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don’t recall her playing an instrument or being able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact, I bought her a harp for Christmas. She asked me what it was.
***
From ‘The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear’:
Frank: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed: Sex, Frank?
Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed.
***
Frank: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane: He’s Caucasian.
Ed: Caucasian?
Jane: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Frank: Awfully big moustache.
***
Frank: I’m single! I love being single! I haven’t had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
(Music Stops. People stare.)
Frank: I mean at the time I was dating a lot.
***
From ‘Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult’:
Tanya: What are you doing?
Frank: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya: Your bishop’s exposed.
Frank: It’s these pants.
***
Frank: Well… We shot a lot of people together. It’s been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it’ll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party
***
Ed: You might end up dead!
Frank: “You might end up dead” is my middle name.
Ed: What about Jane?
Frank: I don’t know her middle name.
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